A lot has happened since I wrote the last time....

There is a lot that has happened. S became just another person I met in life. It is amazing how he faded out of my life so quickly. Never imagined it would happen so fast. With sessions with R have made me stronger and more accepting of myself. I am trying to deal with the ghosts from the past more rationally and put them to rest.

Career crisis settled now. I have a new job hopefully something that will be hooked on to. Life began to be more peaceful than I thought it would be. Things started falling into place one by one. I met B a wonderful human being who has made so incredibly happy. B is a friend of professor. We met while I was still hoping for something with S but more convinced that it wasn't going anywhere. B came into my life as a friend. Someone who needed company in a new city and whose company brought breath of fresh air into my chaotic life. Whose calm self took all my worries away. When this friend became more than just a friend I don't know. What started out as "let's see where this goes" has become a part of my life.

The refreshing vacation in the far away mountains helped me clear my mind. I experienced first hand what they mean by the "mountain air" that clears your mind. It cleared my mind. I was uncertain about B. I wasn't sure what it was and where it was going. But the cool air told me to stop thinking and leave things to nature and time and I did. I just enjoyed the moments and let things be. I still try to do. Only off late my old habits of insecurity and anger, mood swings and impatience are creeping into my happy world threatening to take the happiness away.

I hope the dark clouds are only passing clouds and there will be clear sky. I am trying hard to be a better person. To trust my partner, to believe in good things that life has to offer. This time I am not going to let the ghosts from the past take my happiness away. When I meet R this time I will be more than ready to talk about the pain.

One of the things the vacation did to me was also throw clarity into other confusions in my life. The time and space I got helped me take some decisions I have been unable to. There is a fresh start to life now and hope this time its a good start.