Blogging from work... or something like that...

There are million thoughts that run through my head and there is so much I want to write, but of course laziness takes over and I never manage to put them down. So, decided will write from work and post from home....

Is being single so bad????????? I wouldn’t agree... but looks like my life and those around me has become so westernised.... people in my team at work are all either married or with someone and everyone is planning new year holidays. I on the other hand have only home and mommy daddy to go to... yes I do feel miserable thinking about it.... I am not strong enough and feel terrible about being the one to be left behind....

Even the one I thought I will ask to be with me on New Years claims I am only a dear friend. That hurt. I am not saying I was misled or anything. I wish it wasn’t so. I don’t want to be “dear friend”. I have many “dear friends” and am “dear friend” to many.

I know you won’t read this (yes very confident that you don’t care enough to read what I write). That’s who you are and well who am I to complain. This is for you, I don’t want to be your dear friend. From the day we met and many years I have always liked you. You didn’t know then and you don’t know now!!! It’s not overwhelming feeling of love or emotion, but there is something about meeting or talking with you I forget everything else in this world and there is only happiness.

You don’t know this, when I met you few months back, my life had hit rock bottom, nothing was going right and it was the beginning of my fall and with no hope of getting up soon. But something changed, I gained confidence, l learnt to be happy again!!!

You went away and my life carried on, I moved jobs, met other people and thought what I felt the first time was nothing but a flash back of an old crush. But when we met again it all came back to me. I tried to be very brave and strong and denied any kind of feelings about “us”. I couldn’t help myself, I saw a movie recently, it was then it hit me, I missed you terribly, I wanted to hold you then!!!!!! Of course you weren’t around!!!!

Somehow it feels like how my feelings went from slow start to overwhelming, yours has gone from “i like her” to “oh she is just a good friend”. I am not sure if this is true but this is how I feel. There was a time when you said “let’s meet today I don’t when I will see you again”. Your calls during your early trip to the airport!!!! I miss that...

I want to tell you how I feel about you. I don’t know much about you but I know that when I am with you, when I am talking to you, I am happiest person in the world!!! I want you to hold me!!!!!!!! But of course you will never know, coz for once in my life, I don’t want to make a fool of myself and tell it all.

This is life and life has always been like this for me never got what seemed like “happiness” to me. So I am moving away from you. Hoping you will find me soon and come to me. Will you miss me???????????? May be not....