Love you Just the way you Are

I love this dialogue. I first heard it when I saw Bridget Jones recently. (yes i had seen it before but was young and silly to remember dialogues). It sounded even better coming Colin Firth, the most amazing Mr. Darcy and my dream man. I have always believed in loving someone for who they are. I have been very lucky to have be loved and have someone still love me for "just the way I am". Unfortunately I couldn't do the same. I broke up with this person three years ago, I couldn't love him just the way he was. As much as I admire, and am extremely fond of him, there were many things about him that I wanted to be changed. Too many changes never a good sign. Life moved on.

These thoughts came to me yesterday when I was watching this Tamil movie "Mozhi" (language). A brilliant movie, which talks about imperfections in life. A musician falling in love with a deaf and mute girl. Its beautifully made movie and very sensitive as well. The story revolves around life of Archana and Karthik's attempts to woo her. There is no villain to this story. Its not  a plain love story. Its just a well told story about people and their lives. Archana's attitude to life is the real villain here. How she never lets anyone into her. Its amazing how at one point she tells Karthik with a straight face that she doesn't miss anyone and his shock at that response.  

Another interesting part is where Karthik decides to give voice to Archana's face. He runs up to her and asks her to communicate with him in her sign language and as she does so, he imagines a voice to her actions. Her reaction is brilliant when he tells her what he had just done. She says that she has no voice and thats reality. Without dramatizing that scene the film shows Karthik feeling terrible about what he had done. There he transcends from just loving her to loving just the way she is. The transformation is subtle and powerful.

In the end when Karthik asks her to marry him she gets wild with anger and refuses the proposal. Finally overcoming her reservations and strong feelings about marriage she accepts his proposal. But not before he forces her to look into herself and asks to be open to love and be loved.

This is not a movie review. I have always believed true love or a union between two people happens only when we transcend from that stage where we expect the other person to be something to accepting that person for who they are and loving them wholeheartedly. No one is perfect and we all know that. Yet, there is this villain called "expectation" in all of us that sometimes ruins great relationships.  When two people have been with each other long enough, its but natural we will get used to each other's way and also may be sometimes other's habit may be even rubs off on us. But there is a beauty and charm in waiting and giving it a chance to happen as opposed forcing that any change.

I think love happens first then when get to know more about that person over a period of time. My parents have been married for 37 years. I don't think they still know each other entirely. They are still getting to know each other. The beauty of the relationship is I think they love each other just the way they are. Changes are inevitable but it has happened naturally.

I have never had a fixed notion of the person I want to be with. I have fallen for that person then just gone with that feeling. But eventually I have wished and tried to change that person to my ways. Even though now I am more aware of myself, I still sometimes wish someone would be in a certain way. But the good thing I don't try hard to change or complain. I like you just the way you are is what i want to say.