Amma I Love you

As cheesy as the title to the post suggests today is one of those days that calls for it. The absence from blogging even though many mental posts were written and re-written I never got around to actually posting anything is much roller coaster ride in personal life. B and I went through the ride and dealt with until it got to a point where tears started rolling, guilt started creeping in and much hurt was tolerated. I have always been someone with a very strong intuition about things that happen around me. Most of the time I have ignored it only because I wanted to float in my make believe world only for that to be shattered. For the first time, thanks to T and his conviction, I decided to act on my intuition and speak to my mom about the issue that has been eating me away. About B, about the painful experiences in the past, not being able to let them go, making a decision that will have an impact on my entire life.

I discovered a few years ago with I went through hell with the maniacal ex-fiance that Amma had a very practical view about things and she was often right in pointing the obvious to me. She was rational in her thinking and not overly emotional. It was only then I began to take her seriously and learnt to trust her thoughts. Until then I was in my own world and suffering alone in misery. I am digressing away from the topic. So today just as I was unburdening the confusion that has been plaguing me for the past month, she had such a simple but elegant view to it.

Her thought each one of them came to as the balm I never applied to the soul that has too many scars. I know now I have a mother who has truly given me the strength to move on and make the right decision for myself.

B you mean a lot to me and you have been only nice to me the past few months. I don't know where we will end up from here but rest assured I will always cherish these memories. I hope we stay on together to see many more new years but I don't know what life has in store for us. I know and i hope someday you do too that I tried and tried with all my heart. I am glad we still have each other now and hope we do forever.

Amma this is post is for you, I love you and I can't tell you how grateful I am for the wisdom you gave me today and made me believe in myself. I am sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused you and appa.

Thank you for unburdening my thoughts.