Hey Sistah I am sorry!!!

So today I bursted out one of favoritest people in the world, my sister!!! Has this happened before of course but this time it feels different! I said so many hurtful things!!! What did it involve!! the elusive "my marriage"....so many different views.. so much care... I know sis you don't want me hurt again... who else mends my heart every time I come crying!!! you have put up with so much ... in all these years I have only burdened your already burdened heart... you carry the weight of all our lives... sometimes I can't help myself... I don't want you to worry so much, I know I am your baby!!! but a baby old enough to look after itself!!!!!
I know it hurts to think that I have shut you and everyone at home out of life ... but only because I don't want you all to see me in pain and tears!!! I can't have anyone see me like that.... but also because sometimes I am afraid I will be judged... for the mistakes I have made....
but please forgive me... I know I have hurt you most this time... that too about someone we don't even know!!!! I may still not end up with this person after all..... but what do I do... I am like this... I don't want to be... I suppose I can never fully get over... "no one understands me at home"... I know you try really hard... I suppose I don't understand myself too well and that anger and frustration is thrown at you..... it's so unfair... I really wish I was a better person....there is so much I want to say!!! but all I can think of is I am really sorry and I trust you totally and completely!!!!!!